If I have failed you…

let it not be a reflection of my intent
but of my ignorance
and my inability to see myself
through my intentions
as I am in actuality

my faults
my shortcomings
my over ambitions
which blind me from
my youthful vision

not that I stay blinded
not that I’ll remain deaf
not that I’m not learning
what I am not

not that life isn’t showing me
how much more I have to learn
not that I don’t know disappointment
even when it’s me who’s earned

the truth of it all
is I’m not breathing
but only exhaling in shallowness

the truth of it all
is that
if I have failed you

I apologize
for trust in me is oxymoronic at times

For sometimes, I am no more than
an aged child

learning to have trust

in self.

D-valued.

Trying not 2 have a melt down

I don’t know how 2 release this. I feel like bawling but the tears won’t come out

Wanna scream, but my tight throat won’t let me shout

And I’ve been in the bed from before the sun went down and I can’t fall asleep

I feel so betrayed, Angry, hurt, …and so unbelievably weak

What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment from people that were supposed to be my closest friends?

Finally I feel a tear forming…. Hopefully this will begin the end

How else can I release? How much more should I take?

What else will relax my gut muscles and soothe this head/heart ache?

Sex?
Music?
A long, breathless, underwater shout?

Well, one has to work… about 2 find out.

D-valued.

Releasing pain constructively continued…

Dried bones worn as jewelry
Back bones used as decoration
Who or what did these once clothe?
Does it even matter or do we just use them as we see fit
As long as it pleases us
Do we even ask permission to selfishly distance them
Or do we appreciate…

Their journeys
And give thanks for their sacrifices
Before we bore yet another hole in

To dangle from our person
As if we have conquered them all on our own.

And so now they are trophies to be worn by Kings and Queens
Who Labor not.

I too sing America… I am the darker sister
They send me to eat in the kitchen, when company comes
But I laugh, and eat well and grow strong
Tomorrow…

They’ll get it

Or they won’t
And I will keep on keepin’ on
With my external smile
And my internal tears
Will flow no more
For shame of their perceptions of my abused beauty

I appreciate the stones, the shells, the broken smoothed glass
For I know not their Journeys

And should I choose to request their presence on my person?
I will do so wearing the pride of their accomplishments

And the awareness of their struggles
So that I will not be adding to their demise
But strengthening their story
With my own

As they in turn
Strengthen mine
With theirs

©DaraMonifah

PEACEGreetings…mySelf defined.

mySelf defined.

I
sit on the sidelines
watch the players, the umpires and the audiences
and I just sit
knowing it isn’t my place to speak
until moved to do so
and I sit
until the spirit moves me to say
PEACEGreetings
to all who make contact with my mind’s eye
isn’t there enough judgement being passed today?
encouragement often comes without spoken words
and sometimes the most powerful phrase
is the shortest

I
learn how to learn
daily
and learn how to live
moment to moment
and with each new relationship
made or lost
I learn
to accept
it as a blessing

privileged to be on the fence in between
on the side of no one, but everyone
I remain
of balanced perspective
left brained and right
simultaneously allowing insights and perspectives
to be malleable without force
gentle winds blow mood tides to change direction
willingly
so closed into this
yet so open… too open?
some say
but time and experience will tell
pains are necessary for growth sometimes
redefined, they don’t have to hurt to be felt

how will you define me
whichever way is necessary for your journey
I am hapi to be of assistance
as a vessel
for all
humbly I wait your request
ask of me
and I shall provide
feed me
and I will be replenished
to continue
feeding others
along with myself

©DaraMonifah